Causes of Marital Infidelity for Men and Women
How Relationship Problems Lead to Marital Affairs
Jan 1, 2008
Psychologist and relationship expert Don-David Lusterman is the author of Infidelity: A Survival Guide. This book contains stories of marital infidelity, relationship problems, emotional affairs, causes of infidelity, saving marriages, and surviving marital affairs. Many of Dr Lusterman's stories are about hope and healing, but some explain why emotional or physical love affairs can end a marriage.
Below are Dr Lusterman’s causes of infidelity for men and women (why partners cheat on their spouses). Knowing the reasons for infidelity has many benefits, such as helping spouses survive infidelity and save their marriage. This psychologist also points out that there are different types of marriage affairs or infidelity, which changes how infidelity is handled.
Why the Causes of Infidelity Are Important
If you know why your spouse cheated:
- You’re better able to determine if you can save your marriage after an affair.
- You know what approach you should take to save your marriage.
- You’ll learn how you can resolve your feelings about the affair.
- You’ll learn which treatment or way to cope with infidelity would be most helpful.
Knowing the reasons for relationship problems or emotional infidelity can help spouses save their marriage.
Causes of Infidelity or Marital Affairs
- Inability to cope with cultural or ethnic differences.
- Disappointment that one partner hasn’t grown in the same ways.
- Unrealistic expectations about marriage.
- Curiosity.
- Lost sense of fun and excitement in the marriage.
- Addiction to physical intimacy.
- Inability to accommodate a partner’s needs, interests or expectations.
- Inability to communicate one’s own interests, needs or desires.
- Boredom with the marriage, work, life, the relationship, or the routine.
- Lack of verbal skills or motivation to solve relationship problems together.
Do Men and Women Have Different Reasons for Infidelity?
Women may look for emotional involvement when they cheat on their husbands. Emotional affairs are more likely for women. “Men and women often seek different things when they become involved in extramarital activity,” writes Dr Lusterman in Infidelity: A Survival Guide. “…women are more likely to link sex with love, while men’s involvements are more often primarily sexual.” Why men cheat may involve more physical reasons (not emotional).
Dr Lusterman says this isn’t true for all men and women. In other words, not all women are looking for emotional attachments. And, the cause of infidelity for men isn't always to satisfy a physical need.
If you found Causes of Infidelity helpful, please read:
- Resources for Emotional Infidelity and Cheating
- Learning Why Men Cheat From Gary Neuman
- Overcoming Marital Infidelity
- How Emotional Cheating Starts
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