Letting Go of Old Relationships
How Freud’s Transference Works in Abusive Relationships & Gossip
Apr 2, 2008
Ideally, when you embark on a new relationship with someone, you’re basing your perceptions on new information. In a perfect world you let go of old relationships or stereotypes – such as thinking that white people can’t dance, or not trusting women because your last girlfriend cheated on you.
However, letting go of your past beliefs or old relationships is more difficult than it sounds. For instance, psychological research shows that abused children have a difficult time forming new relationships with people who remind them of their abusive parent.
Here’s how Freud’s theory of transference works in abusive relationships, gossip, and everyday life.
Freud’s Theory of Transference
Sigmund Freud’s theory of transference in psychotherapy occurs when someone who is being counseled starts to feel strong attachments to his or her therapist. It’s the redirection of feelings – possibly from childhood – to the counselor. Transference in psychotherapy (and everyday life) is common; some therapists believe it’s an intense process.
Other experts say that transference happens all the time. Here’s how transference works in abusive relationships and gossip.
Transference in Abusive Relationships
Women with a history of child abuse transfer their feelings about the abusive parent to new adults in their life, according to research from New York University’s Psychology Department. When they form new relationships, they subconsciously can’t let go of stereotypes when the new person resembles the abusive parent in some way.
These researchers, Kathy R. Berenson and Susan M. Andersen, concluded that women who experienced childhood abuse may revert to past behaviors when associating with adults who remind them of their past.
Transference in Gossip
Another form of transference in everyday life occurs when people gossip. Researchers from Ohio State, Purdue, and Indiana Universities call it “spontaneous trait transference.”
In this case, transference occurs when someone says something positive or negative about a third party. The listener often attributes those same traits to the speaker. “In other words, politicians who allege corruption by their opponents may themselves be perceived as dishonest, critics who praise artists may themselves be perceived as talented, and gossips who describe others' infidelities may themselves be viewed as immoral,” write researchers Skowronski, Carlston, Mae, and Crawford.
Letting Go of Old Relationships
When you’re forming new relationships, remember how transference works in everyday life. Your past does affect how you perceive people right now – and what you say about others affects how other people see you.
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Sources:
SAGE Publications (2006, October 26). Childhood Abuse Can Impact Victims' Adult Relationships.
American Psychological Association (1998, March 19). Mom Was Right -- If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say About Someone, Don't Say Anything At All: The Boomerang Effect Of Gossip Is Discovered.
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